Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
