i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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