I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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