Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
