Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
