your room smells of hookers.
And success
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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