Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
