You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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