I just pynch a tree in the face
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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