3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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