I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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