Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
