I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Text me some of your sweat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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