Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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