Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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