She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think my fart just growled at me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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