New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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