This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
