She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
