I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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