to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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