I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You can't special order awesome
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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