Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
