Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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