Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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