I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
