God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
