he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
