We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
