While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
