uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
