I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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