how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
