Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
