I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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