You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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