dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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