You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
