You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
