im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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