Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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