her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
