ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm passing your future prison.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
