Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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