With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
