I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
