i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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