based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
