So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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