My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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