This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
