She is in my trunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
