The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
