What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
