I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
